The information age rendered our protagonist comatose. When he awoke, he was gifted with a quirky pop songwriting sensibility, acerbic wit, and a morbid fascination with pop culture fallout from 1980s Cold War hysteria. He has sublimated these gainful attributes into a collection of neo-new wave pop, and is now the ringleader of Republican Hair. The band/the movement is infiltrating the masses with its twistedly tuneful debut, High And Tight.

Republican Hair conjures the flamboyant musicality of The Cars, Devo, The Clash, and The Talking Heads, as well as the dark satire of author Kurt Vonnegut and the wry observational wit of David Sedaris. Within a narrative context, Republican Hair waxes absurd and poetic about the apocalypse, courtship rituals, and manners, among other things.  Due to the controversial nature of these topics, band membership must be kept classified. Fans and the government will be aware of the group’s presence—either live, on record, or in videos—through its iconic, faceless logo which boasts one of our country’s most beloved hairstyles.

Because we trust you, fair reader, we can reveal a few facts about Republican Hair. The project’s actual inspiration is threefold. One, this current election cycle in all its pro-wrestling-style glory. Two, a close associate of the band who sports a somewhat elegantly conservative quaff. And, three, a songwriting epiphany. Our main man tasked himself with writing and recording each track in 6-8 hours, and likens this creative process to “the Twitter of artistic expression.” Due to this fevered pace, Republican Hair is already beginning production on High And Tight’s follow-up.

High And Tight bubbles over with arty tunefulness that traverses angular funk grooves, sci-fi sonic ambience, pent-up post-punk aggression, and fizzy pop hooks. Standouts include “I Don’t Care,” “Be Careful Chloe,” and “Who Is Chasing Who.” “I Don’t Care” is an euphoric who-gives-a-f@&# anthem about the end of the world. Here, hooks and singsong passages spray forth from the taut wiry grooves and talk-sung vocals of the verses.  Inner city paranoia boils over in “Be Careful Chloe” with a jagged stun-gun funkiness that recalls Gang Of Four. “Who Is Chasing Who” struts forward with spy-movie guitar motifs, laconic rhymes in the verses, and disco falsetto vocals ricocheting in the choruses.

Up next, Republican Hair is threatening to perform select shows in select cities, and many obsessives are relishing the opportunity to learn the band members’ identities. In response to this, a band spokesperson has said: “All will be revealed during our first show.  iPhones will all have apps with facial recognition by then, so you can probably just use an app to get our social security numbers and bank info.”